You don’t hate her

Subtitle: The Truth About Jealousy and Comparison

Let’s talk about three words that instantly make women shut down or spiral:
Comparison. Competition. Jealousy.

We treat them like ugly words because, yeah, they often come with ugly feelings. But if you’ve ever found yourself randomly annoyed at a girl you barely know on Instagram, or struggling to be social and be yourself around someone you love, I want you to hear me on this:

Those feelings don’t make you mean. They make you human.

Here’s what I’ve realized: jealousy is rarely about them (the girls you're comparing yourself to). It’s usually just a placeholder. A mask. A quick cover-up for what you’re actually feeling underneath.

You're not jealous of her.
You're just sad you’re not where you thought you’d be by now.

You don’t want her life.
You just thought you’d feel more confident in your own life by now.

That pit in your stomach isn’t always resentment. Sometimes it’s grief. Disappointment. Self-doubt. Maybe even exhaustion from trying to act like you’re fine when you’re really just overwhelmed.

I’ve felt it more times than I can count. And I’ll be honest, it doesn’t always hit when I’m feeling low. Sometimes it hits when things are actually fine. Then I scroll past a girl with abs, a spotless house, she gets to stay home with her babies, quarterly tropical vacations, and investment properties at age 23. (This is a made-up example, obviously.)

And suddenly, I’m wondering if I’m behind in a race I didn’t even know I signed up for.

But when I slow down and sit with it, I realize that I’m not actually jealous of her. I’m actually really happy for her. I just needed to remind myself that admiration doesn’t mean something’s missing in my own life. That’s all it is. A flicker of emotion. A signpost pointing me back to myself.

But, and this part is important...

You're allowed to want what she has.

You’re also allowed to take a totally different path to get it.

Maybe you’ll get it next year. Maybe it’ll look different when it finally shows up. Maybe you’ll outgrow the thing you thought you wanted and replace it with something even better.

The point is: wanting isn’t the enemy. Resentment is.

If you’re not careful, those “ugly” feelings will start to harden you. They’ll make you feel like there’s only room for one of us to win. Like someone else’s success is proof of your failure. And that’s just not true.

That girl you’re comparing yourself to? She probably compares herself to someone else. Or to multiple people. Maybe even to you.

We all do it. And it’s okay, as long as you don’t let it take root.
As long as you don’t let it twist your joy, or poison your confidence, or convince you that your timeline isn’t valid.

Everybody prioritizes things differently. And that’s actually amazing.

The girl with the abs? Maybe she prioritizes time in the gym. I spend mine with my horses.
Maybe she budgets for vacations instead of hobbies. My family is the opposite.
You never know, and honestly? It’s nobody’s business anyway.

You're not behind.
You’ve got time.

And no one, no scroll, no career title, no body type, no perfectly curated feed can take away the fact that your life is unfolding exactly as it should.

So next time the comparison hits hard? Take a breath. Name it for what it is. And then keep going.

She’s not the competition. She’s just the reminder that it’s possible, if that's what you want.

And also, I'm proud of you for being where you are.

xo, Kate