No, thanks. i’m good.
Subtitle: Why I stopped saying yes to everything (and you should too)
When I was younger and working in customer service, my managers had this motto:
“The answer is yes.”
Didn’t matter what the question was—we were supposed to smile, nod, and figure it out later.
And I hated it. Like, deeply.
I remember thinking why are we lying to people?? Why are we setting ourselves on fire to keep customers warm??
Sure, I get the logic in sales or service, where saying yes means keeping the peace. But it felt fake. And guess what? That “yes” energy doesn’t just stay at work. It creeps into your friendships, your family dynamics, your calendar, your mental health…
…and suddenly you’re overbooked, under-rested, and secretly resenting everybody.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Saying no isn’t rude. It’s responsible.
It doesn’t mean you’re selfish or cold or lazy. It means you give a crap about your energy, your time, and the stuff that actually matters. You can say no and still be a good friend, a great coworker, a loving partner, and a solid human.
Saying No Can Feel Like a Big Deal—Because It Is
For a lot of us, constantly saying yes wasn’t just about being polite—it was survival. It was how we learned to keep the peace, avoid conflict, and earn approval. That pattern doesn’t magically disappear in adulthood. It turns into people-pleasing, boundary-blurring, and a quiet fear that saying “no” will ruin everything.
And sometimes, that fear isn’t just in your head.
I learned that the hard way (several times actually).
There was a moment during a vulnerable time in my life—when I was physically unwell, emotionally raw, and trying to advocate for myself and my new little family—where we said no. Firmly. Kindly. Thoughtfully. And it wasn’t received well. People I cared about responded with guilt-tripping, passive aggression, and drama that I truly didn’t have the energy for. And eventually? I caved. I went against what my husband and I had agreed on, because the pressure got to me.
I’ve regretted that decision ever since. Not just because it made that moment harder for me—but because it changed how I see those relationships. It opened my eyes to the fact that some people don’t actually respect your boundaries unless those boundaries benefit them. And that’s something I won’t ever forget. The relationship might have recovered on the surface, but it will always feel different because of that shift.
It was one of the clearest wake-up calls I’ve had.
You don’t owe anyone access to you.
You don’t have to explain your no until it sounds like a yes.
You don’t have to manage other people’s discomfort to keep the peace.
And honestly? If someone’s love or respect is conditional on your compliance, that’s not on you to fix.
The Yes, And... But Also: No, Thanks.
Let’s say your parents invite you over for dinner at 7pm on a Friday.
You could say “Yes, AND I’ll just deal with bedtime chaos later,”
but let’s be honest—that’s a recipe for a cranky baby and a sleepless night.
Instead, try:
“No, AND we’d love to come over Saturday for lunch when the baby’s awake and we’re all functioning.”
Boom. Boundary. But make it polite and solution-oriented.
It’s not about shutting people down. It’s about offering an option that actually works. For you and them. That’s the win-win.
Work Boundaries Aren’t Career Suicide
So now you’re at work. It’s 4pm, your inbox is a disaster, and your boss slides into your Slack with “Hey, can you take this on too?”
Old you would say yes and spiral into a rage-fueled internal monologue about how nobody respects your time.
New you says:
“Hey, I don’t have capacity for this right now, but I can help prioritize what’s most urgent or take it on next week.”
Translation: You still care. You’re still a team player. You’re just not offering yourself up as a human doormat.
(And yes, your boss might be surprised at first. But long-term? They’ll trust you more when they know you’re honest about your limits.)
How to Actually Get Better at Saying No
(without spiraling or sending a 17-paragraph apology text)
Getting comfortable with saying no is a skill, one that you build over time. If it feels hard, that’s not a flaw. That’s proof you’ve been conditioned to believe your needs should come second. But guess what? You’re allowed to unlearn that. Here's what helps:
Pause before you respond. You don’t owe anyone an immediate yes. A simple “Let me check on that and get back to you” buys time and clarity.
Drop the novel-length explanations. You don’t have to prove how busy or overwhelmed you are to be allowed to say no. “That doesn’t work for me right now” is enough.
Notice your guilt voice. That quiet panic that says, they’ll be mad or they’ll think I’m selfish—pause and ask yourself: is that true, or just familiar?
Reframe it as protecting your yes. Every time you say no, you’re leaving space for something that deserves a full, energized, guilt-free yes. That’s growth.
Practice makes less terrifying. Start small. Say no to the low-stakes stuff and work your way up. The more you do it, the less it’ll feel like the end of the world.
Saying no isn’t about being closed off. It’s about being intentional. It’s the quietest way to say, “I matter too.”
Also… Don’t Be the Person Who Can’t Handle a No
Let’s flip the script for a second.
We talk a lot about learning to say no—but what about learning to hear no without getting weird, guilt-trippy, or passive aggressive? Because if we want our own boundaries respected, we’ve got to extend that same grace to other people.
If someone tells you no, whether it’s a friend skipping plans, a coworker setting limits, or family choosing something different than you hoped, try this:
Believe them the first time. Don’t press for a “real reason” or try to negotiate your way into a yes.
Don’t make it about you. Their no isn’t rejection. It’s regulation. It’s them taking care of themselves.
Validate, don’t victimize. A simple “totally understand” or “thank you for being honest” goes so much further than a pouty “wow okay…”
Hold space, not resentment. You can feel disappointed and still be respectful. Two things can be true.
Being on the receiving end of a boundary might sting at first—but how you respond says everything about your emotional maturity. We’re not entitled to anyone’s time, energy, or comfort zone. Let’s all do better.
Final Thought: Protect the Yes by Owning the No
You’re allowed to say no.
To the dinner you’re dreading.
To the work project that pushes you over the edge.
To the group chat vacation that’s definitely not in the budget.
Say no, guilt-free.
Say no, and then log off.
Say no, and then take a nap.
The power isn’t just in saying no.
It’s in doing it before you hit your limit.
xo,
Kate
