Go Ahead. Make the First Move. Ruin His Little Ego.

Subtitle: If he can’t handle you asking him out, he’s not going to survive a relationship anyway.

Biggest takeaway from this that I hope you recognize from this:
If you want something, go freakin get it.

Some girls grow up dreaming of being chased. Of being pursued. Of locking eyes from across the room and letting the guy make all the moves while they play coy and mysterious.

That was never me.

I didn’t wait around.
I had crushes. I flirted. I went for it. I was a hoe.
Okay fine… I was not a hoe, I was a good girl, but I was a bold one. Not afraid to shoot my shot.
(And if you haven’t talked to me since high school, please don’t say “that’s not true” cause I’m not even close to the same person anymore lol.)

So when I hear women say things like, “Well I want a man, but he has to make the first move,” I get it… but I also kinda don’t.

Waiting to be chosen is like waiting for someone to show up with dinner when you live alone—wishful, romantic, and entirely impractical.

I was recently talking to a friend, offering dating advice as someone who’s been through it, as I often do. (I am no expert, but I do love to spout my opinion everywhere anyway.) And I kept having this same thought:
"Just ask him out then?"

That whole idea that “real men pursue” and “if he wants to, he will” sounds poetic, but honestly? It’s just a fancy way to avoid risk.
It’s fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of messing up the dynamic.
Fear that showing your cards means losing the game.

But if it’s that fragile, it was never going to be love anyway.

And don’t even get me started on the whole “but I don’t want to emasculate him” excuse.
Like… what?

I’ve heard that so many times—this idea that making the first move somehow strips a man of his masculinity. That if you show interest too soon or too clearly, he won’t feel like the man and the whole thing will fall apart.

Honestly?
If a man’s masculinity is that shaky, that fragile, that conditional, girl, run. You do not want that energy in your life.

And just to be clear, I made the first move with my husband, very boldly. And no, it didn’t take away any of his masculinity. He’s the man of the house, and I’m not afraid to say that. He takes care of us. He leads. He does all the yardwork and doesn’t let me touch a measuring tape. And none of that has ever felt like it was tied to “who chased who” first. We’re a team, and choosing him didn’t make me dominant or desperate. It made me confident. And it attracted someone who could match that energy.

Any man who’s actually grounded in himself isn’t threatened by a woman who knows what she wants. He’s not intimidated by someone confident, direct, or a little bit bold. In fact? He probably respects the hell out of it.

This isn’t about chasing.
It’s not about desperation.
It’s about choosing.

Strong women choose.
They don’t beg.
They don’t wait.
And they definitely don’t play dumb to make someone else feel strong.

So if you’re sitting there thinking, “I want something real, but I’m not allowed to go first,”—yes you are.
You can.
And you should.

Because you’re not some passive prize sitting on a shelf, hoping to be picked.
You’re the whole damn meal.

And if you’re hungry?

Make the dinner.

xo,
Kate