The Era of Soft Spined Adults

You’re Not a Victim and You Shouldn’t Want to Be

I swear we’re living in a time where being a fully functioning adult is somehow considered optional. Everyone is obsessed with their feelings. Everyone is healing from something. Everyone thinks every uncomfortable moment is a sign from the universe that they need to lie down with a lavender eye pillow and process. You know what I think. Hell. No. Sometimes you need to pull yourself together and go to work on what actually needs to happen. That does not mean bottle up your emotions. It just means stop letting them control you. YOU control THEM. That is where your grown up power will change your entire life.

Somewhere along the way we stopped teaching resilience and started raising people who panic over tone. Not actions. Not consequences. Tone. Someone says something you do not like and suddenly they are toxic and unsafe and you need to take a step back to protect your energy. Please be serious. If your energy is that fragile maybe the problem is not the other person. I am not saying you should not cut people out of your life who actually suck. But I am saying a lot of you are being babies about it and way too eager to villainize someone while you climb onto your healing energy pedestal like it is a stage.

And can we talk about this therapy language problem. You know exactly what I mean. The people who have never once been in actual therapy but speak like they have a doctorate in psychology. I cannot take another adult who confuses accountability for an attack. You say one simple correction and they hit you with the whole “I am not emotionally available for that conversation.” Okay honey but you are not emotionally available for reality. That is the real issue.

Also. Not everything is trauma. Some of you just had rules. I am begging you to stop dragging your parents online because they made you have a curfew. Or chores. Or consequences. Or they went through something hard and did the best they could and you blame them for an imperfect childhood. That is not traumatic. That is called being raised. Yes. Some parents truly did damage. Some were neglectful. Some were hurtful. Absolutely. But some of you had very normal childhoods and are acting like you survived a documentary level upbringing because your mom told you to fold your laundry before you went to the mall. Please be so for real.

And I am going to address this too. Cancel me. I do not care. Even if you had a shitty childhood or did go through something traumatic it is still not a free pass to play the victim forever. Being a victim is a BAD thing that people with resilience learn from and grow through. It is not an excuse to carry around like a permission slip for bad behavior for the rest of your life.

And this little trend of blaming generational trauma because you cannot handle basic conflict. Stop. You are not healing. You are avoiding. There is a difference. Real growth requires being uncomfortable, taking responsibility, and shutting your mouth sometimes. It is not cute. It is not aesthetic. Nobody gets a gold star for it. But it works and you will love yourself even more afterwards.

Meanwhile the rest of the world feels like it is getting dumber by the day. People cry over everything. People crumble under anything. Everything is offensive. Everything is triggering. Everything requires a conversation nobody actually needs to have. In the words of Ella Langley and many before her if you are going to be dumb you better be tough. At least be aware that you still have things to learn. At least try to build a spine while you build your personality.

I am not saying ignore your feelings. I am saying stop letting them run the show. Feelings are not facts. Your emotions are not a free pass to be dramatic or rude or avoidant or irresponsible. You are still an adult. At some point you have to put your big girl pants on and act like one.

This era of soft spined adults is exhausting. Nobody can handle anything. Nobody wants to be wrong. Nobody wants to learn. Everyone wants to be a victim because victimhood comes with attention and excuses. I will say it again for the ones who chose to ignore it the first time. Being a victim is not a personality. And it should not be a goal.

If you want a better life get stronger. Get smarter. Get more self aware. Learn to regulate yourself. Learn to take a hit and honestly learn to give one sometimes too. Learn to take a joke. Learn to grow without acting like the whole world owes you an explanation. You will be amazed how quickly your entire life shifts once you stop holding onto the identity of being hurt.

Here is my opinion. Again. Resilience will take you further than your feelings ever will. And I promise you this. The women who win are not the ones who crumble when reality knocks. They are the ones who look it dead in its eyes say stfu and keep going.

Welcome to the era of soft spined adults who are raising even more of them.
I am not sorry and I never will be.

Unsure how to sign off for this one without being even meaner,
Kate