I’m Okay Being the Ugly One Right NoW

Subtitle: I don’t actually think I’m ugly. But sometimes I feel like I’m not keeping up, and I’m learning to be okay with that too.

I posted a reel the other day poking at some arm jiggle. Not because I hate myself. Not for shock value. Just because it’s real.

My tricep’s not shredded. Congrats to it, I guess.
I’m healthy. I’m happy. A little jiggly in spots. Still thriving.

There was a time when I never left the house without feeling “on.”
Outfit? Styled.
Hair? Done.
Confidence? Attached directly to how good I looked in pictures.

I was the girl who always looked put together, and I liked it that way.
I felt valuable when I felt beautiful.

Until I didn’t.

Life changed. My priorities changed.
And for a while, I felt like I disappeared.

Because no one talks about what it feels like to go from feeling beautiful to feeling like a blob of expired pudding.
Sorry. That’s gross. But also? Accurate.

And it’s not just a postpartum thing.
Maybe you lost someone. Maybe you hit burnout. Maybe you went through a breakup, a job loss, or a season of just barely holding it together.
Maybe you reprioritized and being hot didn’t make the cut.
Maybe you woke up one day and realized you hadn’t felt like yourself in a long long time, and when you looked in the mirror, you weren’t even sure who you were trying to be anymore.

I’ve been there. I’m still kind of there some days.

I used to feel unstoppable in a great outfit.
Now? Sometimes I feel out of place in one.

I still love clothes. Still love style. But the full-glam, always-on version of me?
She’s just not who I am right now.

I’ve stopped styling myself like it’s a performance.
I’m not dressing to impress. I’m dressing to exist.
To be comfortable, confident enough, and capable of making it through a day that’s already demanding enough without shapewear and eyeshadow.

And no, I don’t think I’m ugly.
But if you do, keep it to yourself because I will cry.

I do look around sometimes and feel like I’m not keeping up.
Not as toned. Not as trendy. Not as “wow” as I once was.
Just kind of… plain.

And yet, still…

I’m smart.
I’m loyal.
I’m hilarious when I want to be.
I’m showing up for my people.
I’m building a life that actually feels like mine.

And yeah, I’m softer. Mentally and physically.
But I’m also stronger. In ways that don’t show up on selfies.

So maybe I’m not the girl everyone is staring at when I walk in.
And honestly? Who cares?

When I look and feel my best, I do it for me.
And maybe sometimes to remind my husband of the best decision he ever made.

I’m okay being the “she looks fine” one right now.
Because this version of me has been through it.
She’s learned to stop tying her worth to her waistline or her angles.
She knows now that self-worth isn’t something you see.
It’s something you feel when you’re finally safe enough to stop performing.

And maybe someday I’ll circle back to the glam.
Maybe I’ll care about being “the stunner” again.
Maybe it’ll feel fun. Light. Like a dress-up game I want to play instead of a role I feel obligated to perform.

But right now?

I want to live.
I want to laugh.
I want to show up.
I want to be in the photos even if my chin multiplies when I smile too hard and my face looks rounder than a bowling ball.

I don’t want to look perfect.
I want to be present.

And if that means being “the ugly one” right now?
So be it.

I like her.

xo, Kate